Why it’s Not Called a Chicken Pot Cake

Miles Rochester ’25

Would you rather have a dry ass piece of chalkboard-tasting cake or a moist, succulent and deliciously handcrafted pie? For most culinary experts, this is an easy decision, but, for some reason, cake remains a serious contender for best baked good.

In my 20 years of experience in eating desserts, I have never found anything that can compare to a pie done right. Even when poorly done, the result is still mostly edible and yummy. When it comes to cakes, on the other hand, it is quite clear that most people cheap out of the tireless work and dedication that is required to truly impress their audience. When I say impress, I am talking all the stops. Baking is an art and in my opinion. Buying/preparing a box of cake powder and claiming that you are a baker is equivalent to a grownup coloring between the lines of a children’s coloring book and then claiming that they have a talent for the arts. Even if this premade, processed disgrace tastes good (which most times it does) it can still never compare to the effort and love that it requires to make even the worst of pies.

I know you can just buy a pie crust and be no better than the anti-bakers that love their cake mix, but none of my homies do that so the point is irrelevant. Even if I were to eat a pie made from a premade frozen crust, I would not be able to tell because my taste buds would already be satisfied and swimming from the mouthwateringly moist filling that only pies can provide. Now imagine you put any sort of effort into your pie, and you decide to make your own crust. Odds are you’re going to fuck it up and your crust will either be too flakey or too doughy, but hey, you tried and in trying you poured a little of your soul into that pie. True culinarians can taste the soul and it makes up for your lack of baking skills because at least you didn’t buy it from a cardboard box.

I know at this point in your life you already have a set of beliefs, and why would you change them over one pie enthusiast’s subpar-written ramblings? At this point I am supposed to convince you, right? What if I told you that the real issue with cake is the fact that, as a food, it’s not very inclusive. Are you listening now? Have you ever heard of a chicken pot cake? Because I haven’t, but I sure have heard of a chicken pot pie, and they are delicious. Cakes all want to be sweet, but what’s the solution for a world that is sick of sweetness? What if you need savory? Maybe if cake enthusiasts were a smidge more creative it would be a fair fight, but for now, I think that if you like cake more than pie, you should rethink what it really means to be a pie. 

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