WARNING – from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention:
They drive on our streets. They attend your PTA meetings. They may even deliver your mail. They have infiltrated society, plotting to bring their disease to the forefront of civilized humanity. The plague they bring may be incurable. They are — stupid people.
Citizen, this concept may seem familiar to you. De Tocqueville wrote about the “tyranny of the majority.” Madison understood the flaws of man in government. The American government has prevailed for 200 years against these mongrels, and we will surely defeat them again. Unfortunately, we have never seen them rise with this amount of unconquerable fervor. Time-honored antibiotics like logic and intelligence prove ineffective.
Do not worry — this does not include stupid decisions made by rational people. All citizens act stupidly from time to time: forgetting to set the alarm, buying a ticket to an M. Night Shyamalan movie or offering a beer to security. These acts are different from the horde of the stupid, who permeate modern decision making at an alarming rate.
To better serve you, one must understand the prominent features of the stupid. This includes, among other things, those who believe natural disasters are God’s wrath against sin or “selling their souls to the Devil” (Pat Robertson), Birthers; those who supported the fight against Sen. Al Franken’s anti-rape bill; young earth creationists who claim the earth is no more than a few thousand years old despite something called geology, and those who believe all Muslims are terrorists. They can be identified with their staunch positions on these issues with no logic to back their arguments and calling you “un-American”.
To clarify, this is not the liberal socialists telling you that conservative opinions are all wrong. This is not an attempt to counter any neo-conservative deceptive rants against Obama’s apparent “appeasement” and shame to our nation — I will leave that to the attention-seekers. Conservatism serves as an option against liberalism, and many arguments are strong counterpoints. The stupid disease shouldn’t be lumped with conservatives simply because many of them are adhered to by conservative individuals — they should just be considered stupid.
These issues stall the political process. They halt town hall meetings in order to say the Pledge of Allegiance to “take our country back” (we are scrambling to find out who took it and where its current location is). Of course they have a right to an opinion, but that does not mean we have to deal with straightforward lies and treat these people with any dignity. They expect respect in exchange for their irreverence and impudence. Do not attempt to fight them, for they possess a weapon with unlimited ammunition and frightening support.
Your government understands the ramifications this disease has upon our populace. Therefore we submit several proposals to combat the legions of the stupid:
-Use the stupid as Mars colonists (one-way ticket).
-Put Glenn Beck specials on air all day long during elections to prevent them from voting.
-Giving them incentives not to vote, like money or Playskool toys
-Jail protesters who can’t spell (this may be very expensive).
-Recruit predators as security for town hall meetings.
Any further suggestions or solutions will gladly be considered.
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February 12th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Yes, it can be a challenge to personally come to terms with the world as we know it, and figure out how we ought to live in it for the overall benefit of society.
Surely declaring whole groups of people to be “stupid” is not helpful for making progress. It leads us to assume that the significant problems of the world are “someone else’s” (those stupid people of course). It’s blame-shifting; it allows us to avoid scrutinising our own responsibilities. It’s dangerously smug.